(one of my kittens ran from the room) Dad: I always found it weird how cats have that moment of...

(mom calls on phone) me: hellooo? mom: is there anything within' 5feet of you that you can use ...

Dad: Chances are, by the time you're 50, you'll have been attacked by a goose.

(while driving down a back road) My Dad: Oh look, ducks. Quack quack quack. Shake that ass, duck.

(Whilst watching a cooking program on TV) Mum: That's what I want to do, move to Scotland and fa...

Dad to the cat: I won't let any walruses eat you now, will I? (We live in Nevada by the way)

Family Feud Host: Name a place where you might see a dead body. Mom: Next to Chuck Norris.

Mom always wants grandchildren (I'm 24). Mom: Hey when are you going to have kids? Me: Um... wh...

(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT D...

Mom: What is this, chicken? Me: No, it's turkey. Mom: What about Stargate?

(Mom & I watching a spook flick in which the devil was floundering about a forest killing kids) ...

Step-dad: Don't samba with the cat! Me: Why not? Step-dad: Because she doesn't know how!

Telemarketers keep calling the house. (Dad answers the phone): Adventure! (hangs up) Me: O.o

Husband: Which seat can I taaa~ke? 3 Year Old Daughter: The one that is open. Just sit down.

(At the bar with my parents on my 21st birthday) Me: I don't know what to order. Mom: What do y...

(A new Sonic just opened up in town) Uncle: We got Sonic's! Hells yeah! Me: Cool! Uncle: I am ...

(Looking in the pantry for some food. Mom barges in.) Mom: The evil llama's are here, hand me th...

(While driving...again) Dad: I wanna be a Serial Killer. Gonna kill someone and put cereal on th...

(While my mom was on a girl's weekend, she called me) Mom: I can't find my phone... Help me find...

Mom: Do you think Mt. Rushmore was man-made or natural? Me: .... Mom: What?! I thought maybe Go...

(I am moving into my dorm in a week) Dad: The first time you get drunk in college you must drunk...

Grandma: You know how some people don't like clowns and think they're scary? Me: Yeah... Grand...

Dad: I'M BREWING MY MAGICAL MIST! *slams door* Mom: He means the Lime-Aid he put in the freezer.

Dad: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Cheese on toast.

(Talking about a baseball player & watching a game) Mom: that boy needs food, he looks like a ch...