*My mom is leaving for New Years* Mom: I need you to watch the house and your older brother this...

*Taking nasal spray* Me: How do I do this again? Mom: You have to sniff hard like you're doing ...

(going shooting with mom, my friend and his cousin) Me: That glock hasn't been fired in about a ...

Mom: Stop cutting your nails so short! How are they going to find your killer's DNA under them? ...

Mom: If you make a plan, plan the plan and that's the plan. Got it?

Mum: Come over here and let me smell you.

Dad: "It's nice to see you're dating him. The family always thought you'd end up with a guy 30 ye...

Grandfather: Marry a good woman. If that doesn't work, marry a rich one.

Mom: I finally remembered how the time change goes! Fall Forward and Spring Back! Dad and I: Umm...

Dad: Your almost 16, you know what that means right? Me: No, what? Dad: (dead serious) I'll hav...

Dad: SO help me GOD i will slap the next person who puts their finger in my bellybutton

Mom: I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

Mom:What are you putting in your purse? Are you sneaking booze into the bar?! Me: No, it's a bo...

Me (to brother): You're so handsome and smart! Brother: Stop it! Mom, make her stop! Mom: Stop ...