Dad, after I tripped and almost fell: There are Central American dictatorships that are more stab...

Mom: Who drank all the juice? Me: I did. My bad. Mom: I was going to mix that with vodka!

(A new Sonic just opened up in town) Uncle: We got Sonic's! Hells yeah! Me: Cool! Uncle: I am ...

Dad: Y'know, I've decided that I'm going to buy an Ed Hardy t-shirt and get some gold chains. Oh,...

Me: You've been on google maps for ten minutes. What are you looking for? Mother: Atlantis.

Dad: Holy Batnipples, it's cold out. Me: What the...?

Mom: I believe that your father is the definition of gay. Me: What? Mom: Well, you know, except...