(going to pick me up from a friend's) Me: Ok. Tell me when you get here. Mom: No, I'm keeping i...

mother: Go outside and sled or something. Me: It's nighttime what if some creep rapes me? Mothe...

Mom: What do you think of this paint color? (It's dark red) Dad: I don't know... It looks like ...

me: you know, I´m gonna write a novel, a tragic romance novel brother: what, your life?

Mom: Every time that I see a car driving with a mattress strapped on top I always think it's a pr...

(Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door) Mom: *answers door to be polite* Dad: HONEY! Come back! T...

Me: I think my English teacher may be pregnant Mum: Is your teacher a man? Me:...

Dad: "You know something ... toast is almost the same as bread."

Mom: Don't leave the Internet on while we go out, Viruses could get in!

ME: I'm just a little angel. Dad (a pastor): So was Lucifer in the beginning

*mom calling the house phone* me: hello? mom: hi are you home??"

(After comeing home from a week long trip) Me: Mom, were is my fish? Mom: Fish? Oh, we ate it f...

DAD: I used to work at the restaurant over there as a elevator attendant. ME: Cool! Was it fun? ...