Me: Let's watch Twilight! Dad: I'd rather rub my penis against a cheese grater.

Little sister: Dad, why do you sleep naked? Dad: Trust me dear, no robber wants to see a naked m...

Mom: Who do you think is easier to raise, girls or boys? Dad: CATS!

(Drinking with my dad for the first time.) Dad: *Unintelligible muttering.* Me: Dad, you're dru...