Me:Night Dad, I'm going to bed Dad:Have PG rated dreams! Me:...

(conversation about snacks) Grandma: We can make trail mix, I've got some cereal in the freezer....

Mom: You like cocaine? I thought I was the one who likes cocaine!

(After buying a Harry Potter wand for a friend) Mom: Too bad you didn't spend more so that you c...

Grandma noticed her cat was pregnant Grandma: (yelling and angy) I'm so sick of everybody havi...

(Speaking of my fiance's job) Grandmother: He's not doing Porn, is he?!?! Me: No, Grammy, he's ...

(Talking to Dad, a former Marine) Me: Dad, are the Marines a branch in the Navy? Dad: Amanda,...

me: i want to dye my hair black. grandmother: but you'll look like one of them nemo kids i see i...

*talking to my mom, a Dutch immigrant, about my trip to the Netherlands* Me: [Fries with mayo a...

Dad: I do not approve of you losing your son on vacation, so don't do it. Huh, "These Actions are...

Mom: I never knew Japan was an island. I thought it was... you know... attached to the rest of th...

Grandma: Ohhh, a hair dryer for Christmas thanks so much, dear! Me: You're welcome. Grandma: ...

Grandma: "Jules, you have such a nice chest why can't you get one of those college boys?"

Dad: Actually, your life insurance is worth more than mine and mom's, and since you don't work, y...

Mom: Do you want some Tylenol? Son: Nah, I took some pills dad gave me. Mom: Did you ask what t...

Dad: You're lame. Me: Why am I lame? Dad: I don't know. I guess you can't help it. Me: Oh, bec...