Dad: We don't support underage drinking in this house, if you want alcohol you'll just have to go...

Dad: "When a boy asks how you like your eggs in the morning...say "Unfertilized""

(being hugged by mom) Me: Don't suffocate me! Mom: Shut up and get in my boobs!

Mum: You're birthday's in April, right? Me: March, Mum. Mum: Don't blame me. I wasn't there.

When trying to hide from your family the fact that you haven't quit smoking, do not light one up ...