Me: So we both found we LOVE Doctor Who and I thought, wow I've made a new friend. Then he asked...

Brother: I'm gay! Mother: Oh I'm sorry dear, didn't you know? Father: What do you want, a cooki...

Me: Mom, what's that banging noise coming from the laundry room? Mom: That's my shoes having sex...

(Upon meeting my boyriend's family for the first time) His Uncle: Well, the last girl he brought...

(We where at the supermarket and my dad grabs a pack of tampons and walks to the counter.) Dad: ...

(I walk into the kitchen and notice a small vial of dark liquid on the counter and pick it up. My...

Sister: Daddy, before I was born, did you want me to be a boy or a girl? Dad: Sweetie, I didn't ...

My dad: One day I was in a park, and I saw this person's ass, and I thought "One day I'll marry t...

Dad: Your mom has been feeling kinda old lately. Can you take her out, and show her a good time? ...

(Furniture shopping with my parents.) Mom: I like that this bed has a canopy... I'll have someth...

(Me and my mom were looking at a picture of the woman with the longest fingernails in the world.)...

(After I was being a coward to go talk to some strangers): Dad: Haha! Quack ! Quack! Quack! Me...