By SovaPlum on Oct 18, 2016 at 2:58 PM
Ohai Wiggles! Oh now I see! Even though I jettisoned you for Failure To Dance, you think you have authority over my Universe Vessel. Aw that so cute. So . . so . . so Wiggly! Perhaps you failure to conquer the depths of Hell has left you insecure and over compensating? I'm sure, with a little time, you will adjust to you new status as THE Devoured In THE Mist - Did I do that right? __ Do Finns make a big deal of Halloween? Is so there will be ample opportunities for you to Devour. To assist you I have provided a batch of glitter mixed with LSD to sprinkle on your feather dusters. That should make you more attractive to children rampaging through the streets armed with Offensive Candy that you could relieve them of!
By fareon on Oct 11, 2016 at 5:21 AM
Oh First Sergeant, see what you make me do? I had to demote you again, it's starting to get embarrassing. It's not A devourer, it's The Devourer. What do you think your universe vessel is travelling through, I'll just tell you and maybe save you a demotion. It's Mist, The Mist, the domain of THE Devourer of THE Mist. Hell is so inconceivably insignificant, and a universe vessel is less than that. However, I thank you for the thoughtful gesture if feather dusters :P
By SovaPlum on Sep 27, 2016 at 9:41 PM
Ohai Wiggles! I'm sorry your Decent through the ranks of Hells Own didn't go as hoped. Now that you are above ground again I'm sure you will make a perfectly adequate Devourer :) To help you stay in a positive mood I have lined the streets with upright feather dusters. I hope they get you giggling! ___ I no not this Sergeant Major you speak of. I have posted you msg on the recreation room noticeboard in my Universe Vessel. Maybe some one will recognize it.
By fareon on Sep 23, 2016 at 1:04 AM
I'm sorry to have to do this Sergeant Major. But your failure to solve the mystery of the missing message has knocked you down to non-commissioned officer. As minor minions in the more hazy part of the pantheon Scooby-doo and Shaggy came to me in tears to reluctantly express their disappointment. I hope to see better from you in the future :P Evilily yours from the new Devourer in the Mist
By SovaPlum on Jul 25, 2016 at 8:40 PM
Ohai Wiggles! Just realized my last msg didn't go through. Or maybe I just dreamed it? Anyway. My Deliverance Rat was reincarnated, umm lessee 3(?) weeks ago. He says to tell you he's gratified to learn you mistook him for a demon. In that incarnation he took a Uni course in disguises and it really paid off! He also wants you to know he's flattered you thought him tasty. Like all rats, he took pride in preparing to be delicious and in looking forward to giving you the opportunity to catch and eat him again in this lifetime. Personally, I hope he makes you work hard to catch him. You're looking a bit pudgy there. ___ How's you Descent going? There doesn't seem to be a lot of activity going on, or maybe that feed is borked too? Everyday some thing seems to be borked, these days. Either way, would you like me to send you my copy of 24hours of the Chicken Dance? I've never known anyone to last more than 15 3/4hours. Here's a small sample. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWjeITmDmmo
By fareon on Jun 21, 2016 at 3:53 AM
I'm glad to hear you've found the false video feed, ensign. Your incorrect idea about positivitet gave me an idea. I've been spreading nice-i-tude among the immortals and it seems to be having a weakening effect. P.S The rat never made it, but the honey rosted demon was delicious.
By SovaPlum on May 31, 2016 at 12:38 AM
P.S. Don't give the rat chess3e. He's lactose intolerant. Give him bananas. Rats love bananas.
By SovaPlum on May 31, 2016 at 12:37 AM
Ohai Wiggles! I'm glad to see you think you are doing well in your new careerer. A positive attitude is an asset to any endeavour! ___ You asked for some murderous tips? WELL! I can help you there. And I need to. Your ratings have been a wee bit disappointing. As slasher shows go I've seen better. So have a lot of people. So how about some sex? Sex is always popular. Especially combined with violence. May I suggest an oldie but a goodie? Lite Greek yoghurt mixed with equal parts honey and peanut butter. Add a dash of vanilla essence and finish with arsenic. Invite some lonely demon over to eat you for dinner. NOTE! Only apply the tasty treat just before your date is due to arrive. Arsenic applied topically is itchy. Set the mood with strobe lighting - more dramatic for your viewers - and some disco music performed on the chainsaw. Oh, and since it's you, I'm sending a rat to deliver you some glitter-gel for you hair. He should swim up a toilet near you soon. Good Luck!
By fareon on May 9, 2016 at 12:12 AM
Sorry about the late reply, lieutenant, but I've been interning at Cthulhu, Cthaeghya, Ghatanothoa, Baker an Meyer. Interesting times! But they have me working 72 hours per day. Soon I'll have sacrificed enough of the other interns to make junior partner. Then I'll just have to finish off one of the senior partners, any tips on killing immortals would be appreciated. I have to go time for the torture master class. I think we're going to have to sit through a flute concert performed by the children from the school for the tone-deaf.
By SovaPlum on Apr 10, 2016 at 10:07 PM
Oh Wiggles! How you make me larf! You took your contract tho Cthulhu? He Who Rends Souls Limb From Limb? For giggles? Cthulhu whom to look upon is to be rendered mad? . . . Well,that explains a lot. Me, I only gaze upon Him via multiple layers of Protection. But you? Oh dear.Wiggles, Wiggles, Wiggles. Well all I can say is, thank you! for notifying me of your intention to violate you contract via Descendence. I have set my Vessel's sensors to track you and contacted the Evil Incarnations that run all reality TV and registered you new show. Your Damnation and Humiliation Show should get me well on my way to my own Starkiller Base. Gosh. This is very exciting. Have a healthy energy snack for you journey. *fills a large bowl with steaming popcorn, stirs in butter, dusts with Angel Dust icing sugar, places on transporter, presses Make It So*
By fareon on Mar 31, 2016 at 5:57 AM
I'm sorry to be like this Captain, but you leave me little choice. I had Cthulhu read the contract and there is a loophole. It may be a bit on the drastic side but you know what they say about drastic times. I can always die, thereby shedding the corporeal from that made the contract. And finally take my place among the lords of the underworld.
By SovaPlum on Mar 28, 2016 at 12:17 AM
Ohai Wiggles! Oh u Silly Thing! I see you didn't read through your Employee Agreement Contract. It CLEARY states, in the reverse Swahili sub section of the CViiX micro print clause that you agree to the Voluntary Optional Re-enlistment Claws clause. This, of course, meant that you voluntarily agreed to grant me the option to re-enlist you at any time for any reason in perpetuity! So you aint going anywhere, SUCKER! __ I am very proud of this clause. I lifted it from the U.S.A. army enlistment contract and expanded upon it. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
By fareon on Mar 22, 2016 at 4:59 AM
It figuratively breaks my non-existent heart to tell you this Captain. I will have to resign my position as Wiggles. Also your shoudl listen to your mother, and not everything can be solved with popcorn and T.V, not even in the 12th dimension :P
By SovaPlum on Mar 19, 2016 at 10:34 PM
Ohai Wiggles! I have read your Employee Feedback and evaluated it by your Employee Evaluation Status. I am happy to inform you that your Employee Status is too low for your opinions to have relevance. I am also happy to inform you that I fixed my blackmatter cathode tube T.V. by refilling the tubes with glitter made from the transmogrified dragon flames by the Rainbow Bronnies who kicked their dragon arses in battle. So I feel much better now. *settles onto couch with large bowl of buttered popcorn dusted with icing sugar, tunes t.v. to 11th dimension, dons 12D viewing goggles, watches The All Cthulhu Review*
By fareon on Mar 10, 2016 at 12:34 AM
Oh Captain, my Captain, you need to get your temper under control and pull back on the non-domestic abuse at least 20%. Otherwise I fear you will end up like Zapp Brannigan, a disgraced pervert roaming the universe in despair.
By SovaPlum on Mar 9, 2016 at 10:33 PM
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! Don't complain?!?!?! *slap* Don't tell ME what to do!!!!! *slap!* I *slap* HATE *slap!* back *slap!* seat *slap!* drivers *SLAP*!!! YOU REMIND ME OF MY MOTHER!!!!!!!! *slap slap SLAP* AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!! *runs off to happy place to watch Bronies fight dragons with glitter paint guns*
By fareon on Feb 16, 2016 at 11:36 PM
Once again Captain, I feel it my duty to say that Captains aren't supposed to complain. But for everyone else I think it's also a part of the declaration of human rights? Does that mean Captains aren't human? Besides we have a right wing coalition where one of the parties is a rascist/neo-fascist party, so I think I win this round of complaining :P
By SovaPlum on Feb 15, 2016 at 9:07 PM
Ohai Wigggles! Human Declaration of Rights? What's that? We have a Right Wing Government In New Zealand. Rights are an irrelevance when we are free to enjoy being cowed in to submission by politicians we freely and voluntarily election in a honest and transparent election! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go swill down some radiator coolant before they come to allow me to freely and voluntarily donate my last kidney to a visiting Chinese business man.
By fareon on Jan 22, 2016 at 2:00 AM
Of course Captain, I see it as nothing less than my civic duty to instruct you in the CORRECT dogma :) Isn't a working TV in the declaration of human rights? If not it certainly should be, also I think we should add that everyone should have physical access to at least three interwebz connected devices at all times, whether they want them or not.
By SovaPlum on Jan 11, 2016 at 8:16 PM
Ohai Wiggles! Thank you for the theological clarification. Always good to have the Dogma current! ___ I haven't had any symptoms yet. I'm sleeping a lot more but I suspect that's because my t.v. broke and there's nothing good on the inter-web most nights. How's the bedsores? Tried rinsing with salty water?
By fareon on Jan 7, 2016 at 12:57 AM
No no, Captain, you misunderstand. I still worship myself with all the reverence I deserve, I just change the commandments to fit my current mood. You might want to be careful with the package I think it gave me the Alien-SwineyBird-Flu. I'm starting to get bedsores.
By SovaPlum on Jan 2, 2016 at 4:24 PM
Ohai Wiggles! You've changed religion? AGAIN?! Well in that case you'd best not try to claim a tax refund on your sparkly shoes as a work expense. You might get into trouble with the IRS. Or whatever you call you tax collectors. ___ It's a Good Thing you sent that Beastie back when you did. I can see it's Mind-controle Meowing was beginning to affect you! It has been hired out to Disney's Star Wars Department where the Jedi - the ones that went into hiding at the end of the prequels - can keep it under control. Now that it's gone I hope you are feeling more yourself and are able to enjoy Happy New Beers! festivites.
By fareon on Dec 28, 2015 at 1:30 AM
I hope your well rested Captain, because your little bundle of disaster is on its way back by express tank delivery. Unfortunately it's now against my religion to dance at least until I decide otherwise, however, luckily would have it I was able to distract it with the shiny red dot of my scoped rifle. And it jumped into the reinforce titanium crate almost to willingly, perhaps it's not the evil mastermind I envisioned when first I herd its terrible meowing.
By SovaPlum on Dec 26, 2015 at 1:43 AM
Well for Heavan's sale., Wiggles. There's a reason I sent it to the other side of the globe! Now be a good boy and distract it so I can get a good night's sleep at last. I suggest a sparkly disco lolrus dance.
By fareon on Dec 26, 2015 at 1:28 AM
Captain I'm dreadfully sorry to disturb, however, the thing has begun to leer at me. It's definitely a leer I can see the sinister cogs in it's hamster cage working full speed. The horror Captain! The horror!
By SovaPlum on Dec 25, 2015 at 10:03 PM
SURPRISE!!!! http://cheezburger.com/8598487296 ___ NO! I wont! Iz time u worked fur a livng, Wiggles. So get out them rusty sparkles and them super high-heels and start stretching!
By fareon on Dec 25, 2015 at 3:05 AM
Merry Christmas Captain, you wouldn't consider taking your surprise back would you? I'm not trying to be ungrateful but it keeps scratching everyone and making plans for world domination. I wouldn't mind it so much but that used to be my job :P
By SovaPlum on Dec 24, 2015 at 5:27 PM
Oha Wiggles! Meowy Catmus http://cheezburger.com/8598144256
By SovaPlum on Dec 24, 2014 at 12:27 PM
Ohai fareon! U habs bin warned! http://cheezburger.com/8410234368
By SovaPlum on Nov 18, 2014 at 11:06 PM
Ohai Wiggles! I'm sorry to hear you are not your usual warm and uplifting self. Have some of this *puts steaming bowl of mushroom soup on the computer desk* I swear you'll see the world in a whole new way. It's how I found my happy place! And if you don't like what you see, sit on this. *places long tack pointy side up next to soup bowl* It'll straighten you right up. ___ Did you cheer up some as The End grew nigh? I did. it was very exciting. I felt sure Missy would turn out to be Galafrian. Maybe Romana! The only Ginger Time Lordess ever! Of course in my heart-of-hearts I hoped it would be River Song. That Promised Land looked so like the Great Library's Dr Moon's work. I reckon we haven't seen the last of Missy yet, though. Nor Clara nor Danny Pink! Too many hints to the contrary. So until the Christmas Special, you can find me here *hangs up sign that reads "gone to watch Drs Mud Wrestling" gets into closet to Narnia.