Me: Happy birthday Dad! Dad: Happy Conception Day!

Dad: LIKE A CHEESE STICK!! Me: Dad, it's like a G6...

Nana: [talking about a protest I went to] Did you get arrested? Me: No, Nana! Nana: Aw. It's n...

Grandfather: Listen, some people are just born gay. Like some people are born with big noses. S...

Dad: So what do I put here? Me: Anything else the school might need to know Dad: Ah k, lets see...

Mom: You're not retarded. I had you tested.

Me: Do you ever leave for your destination early, but get there later than you normally do? Mom:...

Dad (after being 'hushed'): I do not obey the platypus of silence!

(Dad discussing if table center piece at the Japanese restaurant was edible or not.) Dad: At fir...

(After taking a bite of dinner) Me: This tastes funny. Mom: The bottle said the poison was supp...

Dad: (asleep) How much do you weigh? We're all going to live underwater! Me: (laughing) What? D...

Mom: If you see your dad with the label-maker, take it from him! I keep finding stickers all arou...

(Arguing about who would pick me up from a concert) Dad: You're the one who wanted a daughter! ...