Mom: See! If these little kids can sing in Chinese perfectly, so can you! Me: Mom...they ARE chi...

Me: This jewelry looks good. Mom: It would look better if you had gone to college.

Mom: We were only required to learn the first 100 presidents in high school. All I remember was G...

Me: I was throwing up randomly yesterday...didn't feel too well. Mom:You might have diabetes. M...

Mom: Don't you think earwax smells kind of good?

Mum: you mustn't name inanimate objects, you'll catch Aspergers!

Mum: "These plates are in the wrong order!!" Dad: "... What, like, alphabetically...?"

(at a restaurant) Mom: this is soooo good, it's like an orgasm. Me: Gross! Mom: What? I haven'...

When finding a random bag of mysterious minced green leaves, make sure it's not a free sample of ...