(mom calls on phone) me: hellooo? mom: is there anything within' 5feet of you that you can use ...

Driving with dad passing a cemetary: Dad: you know how many people are dead in there? Me: I dun...

Dad is watching a TV show when I walk in. Dad: Don't ever do that to me, son. Me: Do what? Dad...

When brushing your teeth, before freaking out about the blood in your toothbrush/saliva, remember...