(Me and my Mum walked into Kmart behind a gay couple holding hands.) Mum: Oh my God! Look at th...

Me(to the cat): Come here, Odysseus, have a piece of chicken. Mom: Don't give him raw meat! Not ...

(My Mom and I are at the bank. Mom walks up to the bank manager.) Manager: How can I help you to...

Me: Oh look, a weeping willow. (*Dad reaches over and hits me in head*) Dad: Womping Willow