Mom (pregnant with me): I'm going into labor! Dad: *dives to the floor with his hands held out u...

mom- do you have a strapless bra for your dress? me- no... sister- she can borrow mine. mom- i...

Parents returned home from buying burial plots. Dad: Do you know who bought the plot right next ...

(Talking about Judgment Day) Me: Well, a lot of Catholics believe that animals don’t have souls....

Mom (talking about her new medication): They're bigger than before but I'll manage. I'm good at f...

Mom(randomly): I remember the night you were conceived. Me: I don't want to hear this. Mom: It ...

(My Sicilian Grandmother after watching the Godfather for the very first time) Nonni: Those guys...

My Dad: What's a scene kid? Me: It's a stereotype. Like, you know, hipsters, emos, goths, preps,...

Me: (Answering my mothers phone for the third time) Hey Dad. Dad: Stop answering! I have somethi...

(My Dad watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the first time) Dad: What's a Dem...

My grandma on the answering machine: Hi Scott! Hi Mel! Hi Haley! Hi...oh damn, who's the other one?

As I was walking out the door with my boyfriend Mum: (yelling loudly) Remember, Hands above the ...